Pausing
I am currently paused and finding it difficult to come up with the first word. It's funny how sometimes we need to take a moment before we start writing.
A close friend shared a contemplation technique with me, “Pausing,” from Richard Rudd's book “The Art of Contemplation”. My friend explained the technique to me, and I wanted to pass it along before sharing my own reflections.
“Creating pauses, but also spotting the natural pauses that open up before us each day and embracing these ("harvesting them"). That includes the unexpected pauses that we might see as disturbances but that we can learn to see as gifts. It's simple but far from easy! "Sometimes, when we are in a hurry, life deliberately steps in and offers us a pause that we may feel is inconvenient. “ This could be someone engaging us in a conversation that we would rather avoid. We should embrace this as "a rare opportunity to be open-hearted and open-minded." "We never know what may come from such pauses until we engage with them. At the very least, we will have created a little more intimacy in the world".
It's such a beautiful realization. It made me think of a few scenarios in my own life where taking pauses created a vast space, or what Richard calls creating more intimacy in our daily lives. Pausing reminds us to breathe and brings a zoomed-out view that creates a feeling of intimacy with life. It's like being on your first date and experiencing that time seems to stop. I'd like to explain how I feel this truth from time to time when I'm lucky enough to remember it.
Scenario 1: As parents, waiting for our child to put on their shoes and coat and finally leave the house can feel like an eternity. Frustration builds up and leads to impatience, yelling, and, ultimately, a negative experience for both the parent and the child. However, I recently had an experience that taught me the value of pausing and observing my child. I noticed that before I got angry, I would experience physical sensations like a ball growing in my belly, burning ears, and clenching my jaw. One day, I paused and watched my child put on their shoes. I noticed how happy and daydreamy he looked while doing so. This simple observation made me realize that yelling at him at that moment would only stress him out and ruin his morning or even the day. Instead of reacting in frustration, I took a deep breath, got down to his height, and reminded him how much he enjoys walking slowly to the car and being on time for school. This saved time and made for a positive moment between us. This experience taught me that pausing and observing the situation can lead to better results and create positive moments. By being mindful of my physical sensations and taking a step back to observe, I was able to improve my interactions with my child and create a more positive atmosphere.
Scenario 2: I relish the opportunity to engage in deep conversations with others, to connect with them on a level that goes beyond surface-level pleasantries. These conversations allow me to delve into intimacy and establish heart-to-heart connections that are often missing in our everyday interactions. In the past, I used to react quickly, cutting people off or zoning out because I felt like there were other things I could be doing. It wasn't until recently that I caught myself about to do this again and decided to pause instead. At that moment, I looked at the person in front of me and realized that I had never really listened to them before. But when I did, I realized what they were saying had nothing to do with me. This made me reflect on how often we engage in conversations from a place of "me vs. you" instead of simply holding space for others with an open mind and heart. I've realized that dismissing parts of others is, in essence, dismissing parts of ourselves. It's like being in a pitch-black warehouse with only a torch to light your way. You can only see a small part of the warehouse, but when you turn on the more giant lights, you can see everything there. The warehouse represents our vast being, the torch is our limited point of view, and the big lights represent awareness of ourselves and others, acceptance, and open intimacy. So now, I make a conscious effort to be more patient and open-minded in conversations, to listen deeply, and to hold space for the people in my life. It's made all the difference in the world and has allowed me to establish deeper connections with those around me.
I hope this message finds you with an open heart to receive.
